Do not take people’s comments personally

Do not take people’s comments personally                                                        040710

            Have you ever realised that when you have an aching spot in your body, everyone who comes in contact with you seems to touch that place. No matter how much effort you put in trying to keep the sore away, people have a way of finding it and causing you pain. You probably know that these people would not hurt you deliberately, but somehow these painful paces seem to be always accessible despite all your efforts to keep them out of reach.

            What is important to realise is that people are in contact with these spots all the time they are in contact with you, but when these areas are not injured you do not feel the people’s touch as pain causing. What makes you sensitive when you get injured is that the pain is instant so you respond to it. There are many times when someone seems to always touch you on the sore spot no matter how much you both try to avoid it. It may be because this loved one may be used to touching you in a specific way and it has become habitual, and now that the place this individual is used to touch has become injured, it becomes easy to unconsciously touch the same spot. You may interpret this as carelessness on their part but it may just be a way of showing they care, in the same way they have done so in the past and you never seemed to care. They may actually be wondering why you are being sensitive all of a sudden.

            There are many comments that people say about you in public that they say to everyone without causing offense. It may be that you say certain things that offend others without realizing it. You may be saying these things as a joke because when someone says the same to you, you take it lightly. The same words that make everyone laugh and enjoy themselves can be painful to someone sensitive. Sensitivity is not because the spot that is hurting wants to hurt in this way. It may be accidentally injured, and as long as the injury has not healed, it will continue to be painful when touched.

            In general, when an injury occurs on the leg, every other part of the body can be touch without feeling uncomfortable. This means that an injured person becomes sensitive only when the injured part is touched. There are others who get involved in traffic accidents. Such people have more sore spots as a result. In such cases it may be wise to be very careful in that if you touch any place there are chances of causing pain.

            Emotional pain is as painful as physical pain although it is not quite tangible. Most people are hurting in some way and once in a while someone says something that touches this sore spot. Because such hurting people may not tell the offenders that they are hurting in this way, these people may continue to touch this same spot without realizing that they are causing pain, to the discomfort of those hurting. Words touch these sore spots as hands do in the physical. Most people end up hating the people who hurt them in this way not realising that they may not be aware of the pain they are causing. This happens when they take people’s comments personally.

            If you look deep down in your heart, you will find some spots that are sore. The pain they cause may be mild oar severe, depending on when the pain was caused and the healing process you are going through. There are times when someone says something that reminds you of this pain and as a result you feel the pain once again. Some of these people do not realise that they are causing you pain so they keep saying the painful words in your presence. There are times when others know about the pain you are going through and they try to help you by giving some medicine for your wounds. The problem may be that these self-proclaimed ‘doctors’ may not have experience in healing the type of ailment you will be having so in trying to help they cause more pain instead. Such need to be forgiven because their intention is to help you and not to hurt you.

            In general, if the wound is going to heal, it has to be exposed to medicine, and medicine causes pain. If you realise this, you will realise that some amount of pain is necessary for healing to take place. This may come through someone talking the issue over with you. If you do not expose the pain to the truth, it may last a lifetime. There are many who got amputated in the end because they feared the pain caused by ‘Betadine”. If they had endured the small pain at first, their limps would not have grown septic, something that necessitated the amputation. The same may happen if you keep emotional pain on the inside. It has a way of eating you up on the inside.

            If you will avoid emotional pain caused by those who speak carelessly, do not take anything they say personally. Of course, if your weight bothers you, you will be touched when someone tells you that you have grown too big. But it may be true and since you are doing something about it, you should take it as encouragement to do something about the painful spot. As long as you do not take these comments personally, you will heal faster.  

No Test No Promotion

No Test No Promotion                                                                                    040710

                Everyone in life looks forward to being promoted from one level to the next. Many people are frustrated when this does not happen when they want it to happen or as often as they think it should. But promotion does not happen at random. Every time someone gets promoted there has to be a test of some sort that has to be passed. Most people do not want this part of the promotion process because they are afraid of failure.

                Those who have been promoted ahead of you are not perfect. This is the reason why you frown when you hear they have been promoted. What distinguishes them from you may be that they choose to face challenges more often. It is true that if you look at their history, they may have made more blunders than you have. But have you tried to check how many successes they have scored compared to you? Those who accomplish great things in life usually make more mistakes than the rest. It is in making mistakes that they gain knowledge about how to be successful. It is better, in reality, to promote someone who will make mistakes but score some successes than someone who makes no mistakes and at the same time producing no results because he/she is afraid of making mistakes.

                Everyday we grow from stage to stage. A child when born cannot walk or run. As time goes on it starts to sit unsupported. After a couple of bruises from falling the child learns to stand on its own.  After some more falls he learns to walk. The child who does not want to fall will not learn how to walk. It is in making mistakes that the child learns the art of walking. When you look at yourself today you do not think about it when you want to walk. There was once a time, however, when you could not walk, let alone stand. Throughout life you had to progress from stage to stage and you did. The problem with adults is that there is a fear that they have that makes it difficult for them to progress in life.

                The academic world is another area where we see promotion coming after being tested. Those who go to secondary school have to sit for the grade seven test. How you do is no longer an issue since some people who have done badly in the test find themselves at high school. This is because education is a fundamental right which every child is entitled to. All the same, if you want to go to the best schools in the land you must produce some good marks otherwise there is no place for you. From O’ Level to A’ Level requires that you accomplish some good results at the former level. The same is true from A’ Level to university. There is no shortcut to promotion.

                In your life today; if you look closely you will find that there are a number of places that you want to be that you have not yet reached. Some of them are within reach if you choose to work at getting there. Others seem out of reach to you. In all these situations you will find that the only way to get the promotion to the next level is to face some opposition and overcome. If there is no test, there is not going to be progress. Tests, by nature, are not a pleasant experience. If, however, we do not face them, there is no way of knowing how much we are learning in life. Every genuine student dreads the examination but those who do well appreciate that their efforts would not be appreciated without a test.

                If you are going to be successful in life you have to choose to face the tests that come your way. There is always a way of avoiding these tests but the person who will be frustrated in the end is you. Those who have repeated a grade know how frustrating to sit in class with those you considered juniors just a year ago. For those who would have been nasty to these juniors it is even worse because they are constantly reminded of that fact. The frustration is made worse if the individual would have repeated because of missing an exam.

                Do not be afraid of tests, they give you a chance to prove who you are and get promotion. Look at the testing stage as a stepping stone towards greater heights. The tests you pass in your academic life give you progress in that dimension. Those you pass in your social life do the same in that direction. If you want to progress spiritually you have to pass spiritual tests. Remember there is no shortcut to promotion.

The end of a matter is more important than its beginning

The end of a matter is more important than its beginning                                      110710

            There are many grant openings that we see in the world today but there are very few of the started things that end as planned. If you look at this scenario you will realise that the people who start such great ventures forget that everyone can start something, but there is work that needs to be done before the end is reached. It is this discipline in pursuing the project that is generally lacking in most of us.

            If all the books that people started writing were finished, the world would be a better place because these books would have given us information that would change our lives. But these books were left unfinished at some point and some of them will never be finished. This is the reason why some great thinker declared the graveyard as the richest place on earth. All the things left undone by those who went to their graves make it a land full of great wealth.

            The new business venture that you promised people would come soon is still pending, years later. Everyone smiled when they read your project proposal. What happened to it? The studies you started a decade ago are still unfinished. Are you planning to leave everything at that level?

            There are thousands of athletes who start the Comrades Marathon every year. It is a noble idea to run this race because of the way it is reputed in the world. It is not everyone who starts, however, who gets to the end. Only those who get to the end get a prize. There are some who are in front for the first ten kilometers of the race who do not get to the end. It is not how fast you are in parts of the race that makes you a champion. It is reaching the end that is important. Some start slowly in this big race but in the end they finish and get their medals for reaching the finish line. In a race, the reward is given for reaching the finish line, and not in the way you run.

            The end of a matter is more important than its beginning. This is because everyone can start. It is very easy to start with everyone else. There are many who started grade one who never reached grade five. Others started form one and never finished three years in secondary school. Others went to university and left without their degrees. Many start in all cases but few get to the end. There are many, actually who start the degree program strongly with distinctions who fail in the end. Others begin by repeating their first year and keep at it until they graduate, seven years later, for the five year program. That does not matter, as long as in the end the desired destination is reached.

            What makes people to fail to reach the end is that they do not take time at the beginning of the venture to see if they have the resources to get to the end. A hundred metre race is hundred metres long and before you begin it you must be sure that you have the energy to reach the end. The marathon, on the other hand, is forty-two kilometers long. If you begin, make sure you have the energy to go all the way. Once you begin we expect that you finish. It does not matter that you are not prepared for it. If you begin you owe it to the spectators and to yourself to finish the race.

            The way to make sure you finish things that you begin is to count the cost. No race is easy to accomplish. There is a price to pay before you get the prize. Sit down and find out if you have all the resources that are needed for you to reach the end. If you have trained for only a hundred metre race do not enter the marathon race. If you do not have the resources to finish you may as well start something that you are prepared for. The sad thing is that after pulling of at the forty kilometer mark, there is not enough energy left in you for some time to run another race. If you had not started that particular race because of being unprepared, you would still be ready to compete in a half marathon or other shorter races.

            Once you realise that you cannot finish something, it is important to be realistic and save yourself and others the frustration that results when you fail to get to the end. It takes less energy to say no to a project that you cannot finish than to start and fail to reach the end. In fact it is less disappointing.

            Realise that in the end it is not how many projects you began that matters but how many you finished. It is not how you started that is important but how you finished. It is the end of a matter that is important, not just its beginning.

           

           

Keep Shining; Your Time Will Come,

Keep Shining; Your Time Will Come,                                                                        130708

               There is a time for everything. There are times when you will feel that you are being overlooked despite the excellent efforts you put in whatever you do. When such times come, it is important to realise that there is a time for everything and everyone. A time will come when you will also become the centre of attraction. Everyone will notice and wish they were in the same position. The problem is that if it is not yet their time, no matter how much they wish they could shine they just won’t; simply because it will be your time and no one else’.

               The street light may be bright, but if it is switched on during the day it will be neither visible nor appreciated. The point is not that the source of light is not bright enough; it is only that there is a brighter light at that moment. When night comes the street light becomes the brightest source available. If it does not give its light at this crucial time, the people will notice its absence. At that time it ceases to be negotiable as far as the need for this source of light. When the time is right, the proper source of light is appreciated when functioning properly; it is equally missed if it is not available.

               The moon’s light is welcome when one is moving in the night in a place where there is no artificial lighting. If however there is a car’s headlamp or a bulb, this light becomes insignificant. The point is not that the light source is not doing its best or is not necessary but only that in the prevailing conditions those who need the light have an alternative source. The moon does not loose hope, neither does it stop providing the light but it provides light regardless of whether people are grateful for its light or not.

               The stars have never stopped giving out their light. During the day they are so overshadowed by the sun’s light that they do not seem to exist. They are seen in their greatest brilliance when the night is darkest. In like manner, those people we refer to as stars do not only do something that is beyond our ability or reach, like stars are far above; they do it when the odds are against them. The sports stars are those who rise to the occasion and perform to the satisfaction of all and sundry when things are beyond everyone else’ ability to solve the problem. Stars are not needed unless things are so dark that no other source will provide light. All the same the stars will continue to give their best light whether we see them or not; whether we appreciate or not.

               As an individual there are times when your efforts will seem unappreciated. This is not necessarily because your services are not essential. At the right time you will be the only source of light available. At that point people will notice how important you are. If you happen to be unavailable at that time you will be missed greatly. What is important is that you keep shining even in times when no one seems to notice your presence. Like the stars keep shining at all times and you will be found shining when your time comes.

               There are times when you are considered as the sun when it comes to providing light: being so strong a source that every other source seems useless in comparison. It is important at this point not to deceive yourself by thinking that you are indispensable, something that may lead to pride and looking down upon others. What you need to know if you find yourself in this enviable position is that no matter how long a day may last, depending on the season, there is always a sunset that follows. When the sun sets, the same people who salute your glory will start looking for alternative sources of light. This does not necessarily mean that you will not have another go at providing the much needed light. After all, dusk is always followed by dawn after a couple of hours. For this reason no matter how important you feel in one area of life or another, realise that there are others equally important although not necessarily equally prominent.

               When it comes to light provision there are times when you can be the source of light. There are times when, like the moon, you give out only as much light as you receive from other sources. What is important in all cases is to realise that what is significant is to provide light to those who need it. It is not for the moon to glory in the fact that it can provide light. If there were no appreciative people on the receiving end then no matter how much you give, it will be considered useless. Only those who appreciate this fact will find fulfillment in whatever they do. Do it for others and it will be valuable.

               If you rely on reflecting from other light sources then you have to work at polishing your surface because the shiniest surfaces reflect the most light. If it is intellectual light then study hard to acquire as much knowledge as possible to be able to be effective as a source or reflector of light. The more polished your brain is the better.

               Whether people seem to appreciate you or not, as an individual is not as important as the fact that you are doing something to better their lives. Do what you do to the best of your ability with joy, knowing that a time will come when your services will become the only available. This may take a lot of time to come but be assured that when the time comes you will also bask in glory. Only those who keep shining regardless of other competing light sources will become the essential source in their time. Those who give up as soon as there is competition will not amount to much so keep shining.

Dress modestly

The need to be careful                                                                           130708

            I did not want to discuss this topic because several other people have covered it before but I feel responsible to say a word or two on the same. The issue is on dressing. Let me limit this to those who are going to church. One Sunday in town I saw a well dressed young lady. The attention she was drawing to herself made me check her out. I realised that the attention was not necessarily on her dressing because people dress like that every day but it was the Bible that she was holding that made people wonder if she was really going to church.

            There was something definitely wrong with the way she was dressed. Everyone would just shake their head and continue with their business. That made me think for a while and I resolved once and for al that I was going to say something about this issue regardless of its controversial nature. I know this has potential to get my inbox full with mail. That part is welcome too and is always part of the job but for a while, hear what I have to say.

            Let us make one thing clear from the beginning; God is not disturbed by your dressing on a Sunday morning in church. You could literally come naked and He would enjoy your worship like He does when you are dressed like a Moslem woman. That does not affect Him in any way. In fact he enjoys your singing when you are in the bath every morning; naked. Remember that in the Garden of Eden when God used to come and fellowship with Adam and Eve they were not dressed in any way. He would look forward to coming and enjoying this time of fellowship. Case closed! God is not affected in any way by the way you are dressed.

If God is not affected, then why do men make a fuss about the way people dress in church to such an extent that some pastors make it the subject of their Sunday’s preaching? There is probably something in the whole dressing issue that people refuse to address squarely. Dressing can be classified as a right by others. You put on something that you want to put on and when you feel like it. I may choose to listen to that argument and go on to respect it to a limited extent, at least when you are going to the movie house.    

Now that you are the one responsible for choosing your wardrobe when you go wherever you want, it is important to realise that there are other areas where you can get away with murder and others where you will be brought to book. Now that we are talking about dressing for church, it is unavoidable to quote from the Bible to hear what the one who owns the place has to say about the issue at hand. Let us start in the book of Proverbs.

“For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.”  (Pro 7:6-10) (Italics mine).

The italisised words tell me that there are different dress codes for different professions. It is therefore important to realise that you may use your freedom of expression in dressing to dress like a prostitute sometimes without realizing it. We agree that when a prostitute comes to church on Sunday morning it is not ours to chase her from church because Jesus emphasized that He came for the lost like these. It is a different story, however, when someone who claims to be a Christian dresses like a prostitute to church. The danger is that the one who called you expects a higher standard from you and defaming His Name with your dressing is a serious offence.

The question that comes to mind first is why do you want to be dressed like a harlot when going to church? Those that operate from Parirenyatwa Street in the night dress like that because their bodies are available. It is the same way a vendor displays some tomatoes on the stalls. (No offence intended). Since we take it for granted that the Christian’s body is not available why is it being advertised as such? Unless we are mistaken by assuming that the Christian should not be associated with adultery and fornication.

Now let’s see what effects you have on an average Sunday when you put on something indecent to church and sit in the front pew. You love the Lord so much that during praise and worship you can’t help but raise your hands. That of course raises your belt thin skirt farther up and showing what should not be visible in public. While you are in great fellowship with your Lord every man behind you will not worship God during that service. I hope you do not come from home to go to church planning to hinder some brother from meeting his Maker because they are lusting after your exposed body. If you did not know, that is exactly what you do once you leave the house improperly dressed, not only to church. The danger with the church case is that there is a serious warning to those who causes others to sin.

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his(/her) neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!”  (Mat 18:5-7) (Emphasis mine)

These verses give a strong warning to those who choose to abuse their freedom to harm others. It is probably only in church where we can be sure this law will apply. All the same it is safe to consider your dressing every time you leave the house.

            Realise that we are not against people being fashionable. Putting on something that is in fashion is encouraged but make sure that it does not cause others to miss the same Lord you are enjoying. If it wasn’t for this issue, no one would mind seeing you in your most brilliant attire, but the Lord of the house sets the rules in the house.

Aim for Higher Targets

Aim for Higher Targets                                                                                130708

            A paw-paw tree is one of the trees that produce fruits at a tender age. After the first fruits are received, every season new flowers are seen and new fruits are enjoyed. What you will notice about these fruits is that they are always bigger and better than the last season. They are also produced at a higher level than the last crop. The tree keeps growing and in the process producing fruit at a higher level, which fruits are bigger and sweeter. There are a lot of things to copy from the paw-paw tree.

            The greatness of a man is not so much in how much he has achieved so far but in what he is aspiring to achieve. No matter how many great things you have accomplished in the past, there are greater heights to be aspired to and reached. The only thing that can limit your reaching of these greater heights is your lack of a great dream. It, therefore, lies within you to be like the paw-paw which is not satisfied with what the last season produced. In the next season be the one who produces fruit that are perceived by all and sundry to be much better than all you have ever produced before.

            In the world of sports it has been proven that no record survives forever. Some which have endured for decades have eventually been broken. In the sprints, for example, there was a time when it was said to be impossible to run the hundred metres in less than ten seconds. Nowadays if you do not run in less than ten seconds there is no hope of a medal in the international competitions. This means that even the man who has the world record should not bask in the glory of the record because the records are being broken several times a year. If the record holder will remain at the top he has to work at breaking his records as long as he wants to remain the champion, otherwise someone else will come from elsewhere and break the record and displace him from the top.

            The achievements that looked like really great in their time are slowly becoming outdated. Imagine the man who made the gramophone. It was a great idea then but today if you have that instrument you have to be content with listening to very old music because no one cuts music on those discs any more. A wise radio manufacture must, therefore, plan on using the latest technology if he/ she will get a market for his/her products.

            In your life there are many great achievements you may have scored so far and we all say congratulations. These achievements should not make you comfortable and relaxed. Doing so is a sure way to fail in life. Ever realised how people expect a new release from the musician even though the last production is still selling well. When the next release comes the fans have a way of comparing it to the previous one. Each work is not measured on its own merits but in comparison with the past. If, for some reason, the next work is worse than the last, the fans will say so in the sales of the new product. For that reason if you are into any kind of business you have to aim to produce better things every time. If this is not done then there are chances you will soon get out of business.

If you do something great be happy for it and let it be encouragement to do better and greater things. People will definitely applaud for some time while the memory lingers but a time will come when they will need something new for them to esteem you in the same way they do the first time they know of something great you are doing. If you are at school, passing all your subjects today does not guarantee passing with the same grades in the next exam. This means that you have to continue working hard in order to maintain the good work. Telling people at the end that you used to score high marks will not help if you fail the final exam. People will have every reason to believe that you were cheating in all the previous tests and exams.

To remain at the top one has to make it a habit to dream greater dreams than the ones that made you great in the first place. There is no substitute for dreaming when it comes to achieving great things. Everything begins in the head before it can materialize into something tangible. Growth should be natural. A tree does not stop receiving nutrients from the ground all year round; something that makes it possible to produce the fruits when the season comes. In the same way the soil supplies and feeds the tree to do well, information that enter your mind feeds the ideas in your mind which makes them either better or worse depending on the nature of this data. If it is rich it will produce greater rewards than you have ever reaped before. It is your responsibility to feed your brain with material that will in the end produce something you will be proud of.

It is not quite important when exactly you produce your first tangible fruits. Every tree does that at some point. What is important is to keep producing once the fruit-bearing begins; producing bigger and better fruits in the following season, remembering that those trees which keep absorbing nutrients from the soil end up producing bigger and better fruits at a higher level every season.

Let’s Strive to be Equal

Let’s Strive to be Equal                                                                                     021108

            ‘Life is not fair.’ This statement is said so many times that there are many people who believe it without questioning what it really means. What they refuse to ask is whether it was meant to be fair in the first place. I will not attempt to answer that question at the moment but what I hear when I try to analyse that statement is that it would have been better if all of us were the same or at least if we had the same opportunities and resources. This is difficult to achieve and I am sure all of us agree about this fact but at least we can strive to be like those who are more advantaged than we are. No one should have the monopoly of riches or any other resources that we wish to have.

I am happy that there are many people who are striving to make things work out in their own situations. There is, however another group of people which feels strongly that we must be equal but what they do to make us equal is not the best. The have the PHD syndrome. The “pull him/her down” thinkers who are like crabs, which do not allow any other to climb out of the bucket, no matter how easy it is to reach freedom. They would rather starve together in the bucket than allow one to be better than the rest by leaving others inside.

We can not all be the same by making the strong among us weak. There are many strong among us who have supported us through hard times. We know beyond doubt in some cases that without these people we might be literally dead today. Despite this, there are others who insist that we all be the same. This they try to accomplish by weakening the strong among us so that we are a bunch of weaklings. This is dangerous in that if a serious problem arises that can only be solved by the strong, then the whole bunch is doomed to the grave because that problem remains unsolved forever. If you are weak and feel strongly that you want to be like the strong, then you can go ahead and learn from them how they became strong and work hard to be like them. This will strengthen you without weakening the others. The community is better for it because there is one more to solve problems if they ever arise. A community with one more strong person is better than one with one less. Strive, therefore, to be like the strong, not by pulling them down but by rising up to be like them.

We can not all be the same by making the rich poorer. The rich among us have many things that we may never have. There are many needy in our midst today that if we had enough rich men among us who would only share a fraction of their riches all would have their needs met. The problem is that those who had undertaken to be rich where killed before they made it. The community felt they were a threat so it was good to make everyone the same. Others who survived the witch’s spells had thieves looting all they had gathered over the years. The reason is that these men and women know how to gather riches quickly so they will be fine. Sure enough in no time they get back most of the assets that they lose to thieves, but that does not stop the thieves. They come back again and again, no wonder these rich men are not able to assist the underprivileged now that more people need the rich man’s donations than in times past.

If all men would but sit under the feet of these well-to-do and learn how to make money as fast as they do, the community would be full of rich men and who would benefit but the community itself. The rich among us do not mind having others equally rich or even better. The problem is that the poor are refusing to rise up to the occasion and learn what it takes to be rich especially before crisis times come. Let everyone be the same as far as riches are concerned; but may it be in that everyone is striving to be like the rich not by tying to pull them down.

We can not all be the same by making the fast among us to be slow. In a marathon race there are those who are known as pace setters. These people are faster than the rest and everyone tries to keep up with them throughout the race. In most races apart from the medal that is given to the first to cross the line there is the issue of time. Every athlete wants to set a new record. Other people’s times are so slow that they are miles off the record. If such people get the gold medal there will be a serious problem. All the same, the slow runners are trying to beat their individual times and should work hard in this regard but they should by no means try to be equal to the fast by reducing the pace setter’s speed. The fast must be allowed to complete the race without the hindrance of the slow.

If you want to be a success in life, stop being jealousy if you see someone succeeding in any area of life. It is wise to go to the person and ask how he/she is managing and work hard to reach their level. It is not easy but it is the only sure way to reach the great heights you have always aspired to achieve. The trick is not in pulling others down but in asking them to pull you up. Anyone out of the pit will be more than happy to pull you out provided you are not trying to pull him/her down where you are. Learn from those above how they made it and do the same and you will be as successful as they are.