Eradicate bad habits by developing good ones

Eradicate bad habits by developing good ones                            200108

Weeds are every serious farmer’s concern and problem. They reduce yields and threaten the livelihoods of multitudes and the business of many agro-based economies. There is need to control the weeds if the cultivated crops are to produce considerable yields.

A weed by definition is a plant that grows where it is not wanted. Weeds vary in shape and size. They are different from the cultivated crops in a number of critical ways. They grow faster than crops in general and will mature in a much shorter time. It takes an average maize plant five months to mature. In this long time we will be able to get seeds for the next generation. A black jack weed will mature in a few weeks. Before long the sticky seeds are ready to produce the next generation of the notorious weed.

In general weeds thrive by feeding on the nutrients meant for the crops. They do that in many different ways. Some broad leafed weeds grow quickly and overshadow the crops. This prevents light from the sun to reach the crops thereby weakening them, making it difficult for the crops to survive the competition. As long as these weeds are thriving the crops will not survive. The broad leaves capture more light and therefore more energy for the weeds. This type of weeds is quick growing so that they grow taller than the crops as fast as possible enabling themselves to cover the crops in the process.

The other type takes time to establish itself in the ground before becoming visible above the ground. The weeds show only enough leaves above the ground to get energy from the sun. These weeds are not very visible and can be easily ignored. They use their system of well established roots to absorb as much nutrients as possible from the ground. Crops are deprived of the nutrients and are weakened in the process. To get rid of this type of weeds there is a lot of digging that needs to be done unlike with the big weeds that can be easily removed by uprooting.

The other difference between weeds and crops is that weeds produce many more seeds as compared to the crops usually grown. This means that for every crop plant in the field you may find over a hundred weeds. This means that these weeds will use up more nutrients than the farmer anticipates with his crops. This is because the weeds, realising that they are endangered in the sense that they are removed by the farmer at the earliest possible time, will have to produce enough seeds to minimise the chance of complete eradication.

If one wants to completely rid a place of weeds they will have to work hard to remove them before they produce seed because if they do then the next season there will surely be another crop of weeds. It takes more energy than the mere control of weeds that happens in an average farm where crops are grown.

Habits are like plants in more respects than one. For one thing they grow and develop in us as good crops and weeds do in our fields. The desired habits take time to grow and produce the desired results. It seems they take forever to produce fruits and those that embark on some worthwhile habits end up stopping pursuing them because it takes too long to enjoy the fruits of the habits. On the other hand, bad habits exhibit the characteristics of weeds. They are fast growing with the sole aim of destroying the good that is in us.

Bad habits by growing quickly tend to overshadow the good ones that we have. We end up using the precious energy that we have to attend to the bad habits at the expense of the good ones. The bad habits are naturally many in number such that we end up, though using very little energy on each habit and probably thinking that it does not have an effect, in reality wasting energy on these habits and leaving hardly any energy for the more beneficial pursuits.

The most dangerous of the habits are those that are not visible but drain energy all the same. There are perpetual complainers and grumblers who make criticizing a hobby to the extent that they do not realise that every time they look at a situation and concentrate on the negative side of it they end up tired and unable to do any thing else. Most of the depressions that many of us go through could be reduced if only we spent our energy concentrating on things that we can change and working to change them instead of worrying about what we can not change. This however takes a lot of courage to tackle and just like in the deep going weeds a lot of digging is needed, making sure that the habit is removed from the roots.

Just briefly revisiting the issue of resolutions that we touched on earlier on, a closer look will tell many of us that there is little that is happening in the beneficial habits that we wanted to adopt this year. The main reason why some of these worthy causes are going to adorn the shelves for the whole year and only be revisited at the end of the year and be dusted, looked at and shelved again is the issue of time. There is very little time left to carry out the intended goals. On the other hand it is interesting to note that those habits that we vowed will never be part of our lives again this year have been revisited at least ten times in these two weeks. Time is not available to begin new habits but is available to reinforce the ones that we want to get rid of.

If we are going to win the war against bad habits we have to persevere, there is no other way. Weeds will grow faster than crops by nature. First of all grow enough crops to make the piece of land worth weeding. A plot left to itself will grow weeds and no one will bother himself about clearing it but a plot of land with some cotton or maize will surely be weeded. As you look at your life what is it that is there that is worth fighting to preserve? Are there any good habits that you will see reason enough to weed out the bad ones?

Developing Strong Relationships

Developing Strong Relationships                                                                      261008

Real life is all about relationships. Those who excel in what they do seem to know how to work with other people well. In fact, there is no success unless someone does something that benefits people. And those who enjoy their success usually have a number of close people to share it with. It is, therefore very important for us to learn the art of relationship building.

One thing that we have to learn, and fast, if we want strong relationships, is the art of communication. This has been emphasized so many times by different people that if we could learn only this aspect of relationship building we would be miles ahead in no time. The problem is that true communication is not easy. It involves listening attentively when someone is speaking and speaking sensitively when or turn to speak comes. Most people can not allow someone to speak for twenty seconds without interruption. I mean when someone really needs you to be listening.

There are two kinds of conversation. One is when you are enquiring about something or discussing about a topic that needs both parties to say something short and someone else responds. The second is when a friend is in trouble and emotionally he/she is down and wants a shoulder to lean on or cry on. At such times you will realise that the person is not looking for advice per se but a listening ear. No matter how much advice someone gives at this time it will be forgotten because usually someone comes to you knowing exactly what to do. In these times the best you can do for your friend is to close your mouth and open your ears and give your loved one all the attention in the world. He/she will be more grateful for this than for any advice you can give. Only at the end when the emotions are settled can you start to speak and be sure you are heard.

God gave us two ears and one mouth because it is more important to listen than to speak in most cases. Someone may speak to you for the whole day and you can forget him or what he says but it is difficult to forget someone who gives you a listening ear when you really need it. This is the reason why the mouth has a ‘lid’ while the ears remain open all the time. It shows that there are times when you have to shut up. In fact, the Bible in Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says that “there is a time for everything”. One sentence says that “there is a time to be silent and a time to speak,” which to me may mean that it helps to be silent first then speak later. Note that it never says ‘there is a time to listen and a time not to listen.’ The same Bible says that if a fool remains silent he will be considered wise. A fool is recognised as one when his/her mouth gets opened, otherwise there is no different between a fool and a wise man if both are silent. Take it to mean there is more wisdom in being a good listener than being a loud talker.

When you decide to speak, be a sensitive speaker. Someone said that gossip does not have to be false to be harmful; there are a lot of things that just should not be said. As a friend or relative choose what you say wisely. There are a number of things that should not be said. In fact if it is going to cut your loved one to pieces then you better keep it to yourself. Your loved one however does not mind hearing a compliment for a job well done, neither do they mind if you tell them when you are feeling low. They appreciate it just to know that they can comfort you. At the same time realise that your friend can not read your mind therefore it is your responsibility to tell him/her exactly how you feel. If you are happy share it enthusiastically. They do not mind if you tell many people that you really love them. To them it means it is true now that you are sharing it with the others.

 When a friend says that they have a problem, listen attentively and do not downplay the reality of the problem or the pain they are going through. You may feel that it is not warranted to feel the way they feel but to them it is real and significant because it is their experience not yours. For this reason be a compassionate friend all the time who listens without being judgemental about other people’s feelings.

Apart from good communication, relationships are made stronger by forgiveness. All of us make mistakes at one time or the other. This does not mean that we are hopelessly unredeemable. It helps to separate the person from their mistake and realise that a long term loving relationship is possible even though someone made a mistake one time. To refuse to forgive is to kill the relationship and all the pleasure it was capable of bringing to you with time. Learn to forgive when your loved ones make mistakes and watch your relationships grow. It is with compassion that we should view our friends – as vulnerable and imperfect people like ourselves and capable of making mistakes.

One binding force for any relationship is honesty. You can not expect your loved ones to trust you if you are constantly cheating and hiding the truth from them. Once in a while we fall from truth but our aim should always be honesty and trust.

A level of affection is needed in a relationship. If you tell young people that physical affection is going to make your relationships grow, you are most likely going to be misquoted as having said that a friendship will not grow unless you hug every time you meet. This is most likely going to be abused by some who have ulterior motives to the destruction of the relationships they are trying to develop. The fact remains the same, parents do well to hug and kiss their children goodbye or good night and their relationship to these young ones are stronger for it. Every relationship will grow if the parties involved shake hands or show physical affection in a comfortable and agreeable way for all involved. Care must however be taken to avoid heartaches and the pain that may result from abuse of this otherwise useful privilege.

Drugs are not good for you.

Drugs are not good for you.                                                                 310509

            Almost everyone knows the problems associated with the abuse of drugs. What is surprising, all the same, is the fact that everyday there are people who are introduced to the dangerous world of drugs where they eventually come out, if at all, with many self-inflicted wounds. Why do people go on to use drugs if they are as dangerous as we all know them to be?

            The major problem when it comes to drugs in not in that they are harmful to the user’s health. There are many harmful things that we use on a daily basis that we look at in retrospect and wonder how we survived them. If drugs could be dropped like we do many other harmful practices then there was not going to be a big problem. Most of the drugs that people use or abuse are so addictive that those who try to stop get serious withdrawal symptoms. Some of these things are difficult to understand for those who have not been involved, that is the reason why some are enticed into trying them in the first place. Some of these substances are so addictive that the user becomes a prisoner literally.

            If you look at the advertisements for all alcoholic beverages and cigarettes there is always a warning to the effect that there is danger associated with taking the product. All the same there are those who still purchase these products and use them despite these warnings. This is how we know the power of these drugs to hold captive its victims without any intentions of letting go at some point. The other drugs which are illegal are even harder, and their addiction is even more difficult to break. My question, which is still begging for answers is, “why do people still use these substances?”

            The young people are usually introduced to these substances by peers who do not tell them about the side effects. You can see a young man seemingly enjoying a cigarette simply because the peers tell him it is cool to smoke. For some time he endures the chest pains that result from the foreign smoke as the body tries to repel it. After some time it ceases to be an issue of whether the young man wants a cigarette or not but he “must” have it because the body is so used to operating with this poison that it seems it will die without it. The young man does not realise the beginning of serious addiction and goes on to buy more and more packets of cigarettes. Soon this young man becomes an old man who does not know what to do because he wants to stop so badly but he just can’t. Eventually he develops tuberculosis and/or many other conditions which usually cut his life short. The question that can then be asked is whether the image of being a hero in the eyes of the peers worth all the pain that such an individual goes through?

            Let me be quick to mention that it is not only the men who experience this smoking problem. Women too find themselves with the same problems. Scientists have proven that cigarettes do more damage to a woman than they do to a man. This is something for the ladies who want to begin smoking. Remember that once you begin smoking and do not stop with the first cigarette, smoking will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and eventually cost you more than you want to pay. That’s food for thought.

            Alcohol is another addictive substance that people use and abuse. There are many people who have suffered because of using this substance but still others continue to be introduced to its destructive clutches. It usually begins with a friend offering you a drink. At the end it is someone neglecting the family and spending all the money in the bar. Many who have given themselves over to this master have found it to be a hard taskmaster indeed. After using all the money on it and getting so drunk your friends have to take you home, you wake up craving for more. Others have managed to flee from its grasp thanks to associations like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). It is not an easy road, though, since it begins by admitting that you are an alcoholic, something that most alcoholics will never do. All the same, the truth is that no matter how many people believe it; alcohol causes more problems than solutions and should be avoided by all at all costs.

            A girl goes to a party where she is introduced to a group of boys who in turn introduce her to alcohol. They convince her it will make her feel great. She endures it but manages to finish a glass of some diluted “hot stuff”. She feels high but soon the alcohol becomes too much for her. She asks to go to the toilet and that is all she remembers. When she eventually comes to, one of her friends tells her she was picked in the toilet, fast asleep. That is not all, she has actually been raped. No one knows who exactly did it because she was discovered when everyone else had left. It is not clear how many people have slept with her but it is clearly more than one. The girl is in a dilemma; could she be pregnant, or HIV positive? All these are possibilities but she has to wait some time to find out. The fact remains that she may have missed being both pregnant and having the virus, but she will forever be a rape victim, and that is not something to wish upon even the worst of your enemies. Was the glass of alcohol really worth it? Only she can answer such a question.

            If you have a story that you think may help others avoid the traps of drugs and addictive substances, please share it with us. You do not have to give your name. Who knows, your life story can be someone else’s salvation. You do not want others to go through the pain you went through or are going through. Get in touch with me on rtharis@yahoo.com

Do not let setbacks hinder your progress

Do not let setbacks hinder your progress                                                 300510

                As long as you are going forward there is going to be some opposition to your movement. The obstacles that you find on your way are there to help you grow in to the person that you are supposed to be. There are some times when certain individuals want to destroy you and they put more than obstacles on your way. If this happens, it still remains your responsibility to get over these barriers and go forward.

                When a mulberry tree is cut, it makes sure that the next time it shoots it produces more shoots than the one that was cut. This is a mechanism to make sure that if the one that cut has to do it again there are great chances of survival. Of course these branches produce more than the original one because of their number. The one who might have cut the branch or the stem to fix the tree will find the tree producing more than it would have done without the initial cutting.

                There are many situations in life when the enemy wants to fix you and does things in order to destroy you. If you learn from the mulberry tree, it is not time to give up but to stand up and be more productive. This is possible if your attitude is that of a champion who chooses to use the opposition to progress.

                A champion knows that the competition in the arena is stiff so he/she creates similar conditions by choosing a course that is harder than normal. The obstacles that he/she puts in the way help the athlete to do more than is required at any given time. When the competition day arrives, the champion can excel because he/she will have faced harder conditions before. If you look at the obstacles as a friend who strengthens you, you will emerge stronger than most people do.

                You can use the obstacles that are placed on your way as the means to rise to the top. An eagle can go higher than other birds, not because it can flip its wings for longer, but because it uses the storms that rise to its advantage. When an eagle sees a storm coming, it does not run and hide like the chickens do. It spreads its giant wings and lets the storm carry it to heights other birds only dream of. The storm is a threat to other ignorant birds but to the eagle it is the means to reach greater heights.

                For an aeroplane or a bird to soar, there has to be movement. A stationary plane will not rise. It has to reach a certain speed before it can rise. The same is true for a kite. It is either the owner of the kite runs to create this speed or the wind must blow and make the stationary kite rise. Other birds use a lot of energy to gain speed so that they can rise. The eagle, on the other hand, makes use of the storm, which will be moving at a high speed already, to rise. All it needs to do is to position itself in the storm so that the wind lifts it up. It is because it takes less energy, since it does not flip its wings, that an eagle can go so high. The storm is not a problem on its own. It is how you view it that makes a difference. To the eagle it is a good reason to touch the clouds while to the chicken it is a threat that can kill its young.

                If the obstacles that are thrown on your way are to become stepping stones, you have to choose to look at them with a different eye. Your attitude has to change completely. If you have chicken mentality, you will not be able to survive the storms that come your way. The stone that makes others stumble is the stepping stone that keeps others going. It all depends on the way you look at the stone. If you are crossing a marshy patch you know that you need stones to make your journey comfortable; the same stones that others stumble upon. The stone is not the problem; it is how you view it that makes a difference.

                When you find that the road you are following has some individuals who are bent on retarding your progress, do not despair. There is hope of getting to the end as long as you are determined enough. You can make it even if all others do not want you to make it. What makes this possible is that the same things that they throw on your way maybe the ones that help you to get to the end. It is only you who will make this possible by the attitude you choose to adopt.

Crime does not pay

 

 Crime does not pay                                                                                   060610

            The other day I heard about a twenty-five year old man who was sentenced to twenty years in prison, (two ten year terms that run concurrently, meaning he will be in jail for ten years effectively) for stealing copper wires that belong to ZESA. What was sad about this story was that the young man was married with three young children, the youngest being only two months old. This child will spend the first ten years of her life without knowing how it feels to sit on daddy’s lap or to take a walk with him. What a pity.

            There are many who were arguing that the magistrate should have been more lenient with this young man for the sake of the child. Others were in contention that it should not be allowed because otherwise everyone with a new born baby may be encouraged to commit crimes knowing the judge will feel for him/her. The morale of this story is that whether you are caught or not; crime does not pay.

            I mentioned in an article not long ago that there are opportunities that are disastrous. When you see them you are excited that you are going to progress but the end is disaster. Crime is one such opportunity. The problem with crime is that there is always a great chance of success. Many people are not caught the first time. This success usually gives them encouragement to do more. They try again and succeed. Sooner than later they get caught and they find themselves with more than they want to handle. In the end the cost is more than one is prepared to pay.

            The Bible says that people will understand if a poor man steals to fill his stomach, but if he is caught he must pay back in full, even if it means with his own life. The young man I mentioned earlier said that he was stealing so that he could raise money for school fees for his eldest child. Everyone understood him, but now that he was caught he had to pay back for the damage he had done. Unfortunately for him the payment was more than he had bargained for. I hear he shed tears when the sentence was passed. But that was too late.

            There are many things that can be done to raise money to look after yourself or your family. All these methods are not as pleasant and easy as crime looks, but they are legal and safe. There is one thing that our corrupt society has done that makes it difficult to tell people that there is more to gain from legal means of getting money. Everyone now believes in instant success. A person goes down south across the Limpopo and the next month he brings a BMW. Young people who see that think cars must be cheap in South Africa. Cars cost the same everywhere in the world, and those who do not buy on hire purchase acquire them in illegal ways if they can afford them in a month or two. The fact that they succeeded this time makes them and others go back with the hope of another success. Sooner than later you hear that they were shot dead trying to hijack a car. The same end to all crime stories.

            You may not die literally but when you are caught on the wrong side of the law you will die somehow. What world will you come back to after spending ten years in prison? Imagine someone who went to prison in the year 2000 and coming out tomorrow. Will he/she manage in the world of today? What about the ten years of his/her life just gone to waste? They  forwill have to start all over again as a different individual. Is it worth it?

            When faced with an opportunity to commit crime, consider the fact that you may be caught. Count the cost. Someone was saying that when you commit crime do something that you will not regret when caught. It sounds like great advice but there are some who were shot when they were caught stealing billions. Sure they would have liked to spend a few years in jail provided the loot was not discovered and come back to enjoy it but they are dead now. Was it worth it? The gentleman we talked about had stolen copper wire worth about $450.00. Is that worth spending ten years in prison for? I guess he may be the only one who can answer that.

            For every criminal activity you want to engage in to raise money there is always a parallel one that is legal. You have to choose to sweat first and enjoy later or enjoy now and sweat later. The former is always better than the later. Do not be involved in crime because it has a way of keeping you longer than you want to stay; taking you farther than you want to go and eventually costing you more than you want to pay.

Only you can take yourself where you want to go

Only you can take yourself where you want to go                                          230510

One of the complaints that people make in life is that they were never given everything that they need to get to the place that they want to go. The problem with this outcry is that the only person who knows about where you want to go is you and even if everyone else wanted to help they may have given you tools to go where they wanted you to go and not necessarily where you wanted to.  What this means is that the only person who can take you to the place where you want to go is you. There are three reasons why you must do your best to take yourself there instead of expecting someone else to do it for you.

The first reason is that you are the only one who knows where you want to go. If someone had the prerogative to take you somewhere in life, then you could take them to task if they fail to do so. Now that your life belongs to you, and that you are responsible for the direction you have to take, it is you who must take yourself there. It is not right to ask someone who does not know the destination to lead the way. I believe you have seen the place where you want to be in your mind’s eye. Since you have seen it, you have a better idea as to what you want. It is better, for that reason, for you to be the one leading the way. At least you know when you have arrived.

There are many people who wish you well and they often give you advice as to where they think you must be. Sometimes that advice looks so sensible you want to abandon everything and follow it. In as much as all they have to say is good, it is you who should be chatting the way to your great destination. Do not leave it to anyone else.

The second reason why you must be moving in the direction you want to go is that you would not have the desire to go there if there was no potential in you to get there. God puts in you a desire to accomplish only the things that you are capable of achieving. To all the others, the things that you want to achieve may be looking too big or too small, but to you it is your destiny. Most of us shudder when we are faced with the sea. The day old turtles; fresh from their egg shells, have a way of being attracted by this big monstrous body of water. Somehow they are wired in such away that they will seek out the sea despite the obvious dangers. If they do not get a chance to go out to seas they feel shortchanged. There are many dangerous animals out at sea that would feast on the defenseless day old turtle, but it goes out there despite them. It has greater chances of survival out at sea than it has on land because it is a sea animal. What gives it the desire to go out to sea is that it has the potential to survive in the wild sea. If turtles had to listen to some grown up friends like some of us have to, they would have every reason to stay on the beach, a place where there is more danger than out at sea. Or they would whine all day about the fact that no one gave them an armored boat to fight off enemies as they took the perilous journey out to sea.

You have the potential to go where you want to go and it does not matter that you do not have the resources that you need to get there. The greatest resource you have is your brain and it is enough to take you where you want to get.

The third reason is that you are the only one who has a genuine interest in your own affairs. Many people love you and they are eager to help you where necessary, but there are many who like you only for the things that they can get from you. You are the only person who has a genuine interest in your own success. At least you can check your motives. Others will try to take you where they want to go. You do not have a choice but to rely primarily on yourself as far as your general direction of travel is concerned. If others will support you it is very well.

Wherever you want to go, you can go provided you do not expect someone to take you there. Do not doubt your ability to get there because the desire to get there is testimony of your potential to get there. Since you know where you want to go, make it your duty to take the first step in that direction.  

Be grateful for who you are

Be grateful for who you are                                                      130610

                Most such people live frustrated lives because they spend their lives pretending to be what other people want them to be. This is because they realise that it is painful to maintain a personality that is not. They spend a lot of time trying to change themselves but they are never satisfied with the individuals they create when they try to change themselves in this way.

                The major problem is that people want to please everybody else except themselves. If you give people a chance, they will make comments about you and make you uncomfortable with whom you are. If the truth be told, there is always something that is not right about you. Its either you are too tall or too short, too big or too small, too dark or too light. Nothing about you is going to be the best to everyone who sees you, and you have to live with it. If you listen to everybody you will be convinced that you have to change and become someone else.

There are very few things in real life that are considered quite right. I mean the weather is too hot or too cold, too dry or too wet. If you find the weather being right for everyone then there is a problem. It does it once in a whole when it moves from one extreme to another and that is for a very short time. You will find that your stature and character can only be this or that and never perfect. There are others who will like you like that and others who will never like you no matter who you become. If you spend your time trying to change you will be able to become what people tell you to be only to find yourself offending others with the same personality that took you so much to produce.

The best you can be is to appreciate that at the end of the day you are an individual different from everybody else and that is what it is meant to be. If anybody has a problem with who you are they must change the way they look at you not you changing yourself because once you begin, you will have to do it gain and again. Changing your personality in this way is frustrating and a waste of energy basically. How then can you stop worrying about all these comments and focus on being the best you can be?

The first thing is to understand that there is no one else like you in this whole world today. There has never been anyone who has the combination of characteristics that you have. Even if the world was to be around for the next million years there would be no one else exactly like you. This is good in that there is no comparison whatsoever that should be made between you and any other individual. This does not mean to say that people will not try to compare you with everybody else. In fact they always will, but you have to decide to ignore them when they want you to be like them or someone else whom you are not meant to be. As long as you appreciate that you are unique you will have less pressure. You do not necessarily have to be like everybody else.

Once you know that you are not like everybody else, you have to appreciate that the best you can be is yourself. There are many who can try to be you but the best they can be is second best because no one can beat you at being yourself. It comes naturally to you. The same happens when you want to be somebody else. You will fail dismally if you try to be someone else who is not you. There is no one who can beat you at being you so strive to be the best you. You will have no competition.

Some of the issues that people raise are genuine concerns that highlight areas that you need to work on. For this reason, do not block all people out. You need to make sure, however, that you do not let them dictate the pace. If someone thinks you need to change in some respect, find out how necessary it is to do so, and in what way you will benefit. If the person involved is the only one who will benefit from the changes he/she is suggesting then you have to think before you act. Some people will encourage you to change so that they can benefit. Others genuinely love you and wish the best for you. You must be sensitive enough to know the difference. Once you see need to change in some area, go ahead and do everything necessary to change. That way you will become a better person.

You can never be able to satisfy everybody. If you let what they say affect you, you will be miserable the rest of your life. What you need is to be grateful that you are different, and that you are who you are. Do your best to develop the best individual that you can become. Those who want you to change will frustrate you if you let them. Most people will appreciate you for who you are, so work hard at being the best you without trying to satisfy everybody.