Developing Strong Relationships

Developing Strong Relationships                                                                      261008

Real life is all about relationships. Those who excel in what they do seem to know how to work with other people well. In fact, there is no success unless someone does something that benefits people. And those who enjoy their success usually have a number of close people to share it with. It is, therefore very important for us to learn the art of relationship building.

One thing that we have to learn, and fast, if we want strong relationships, is the art of communication. This has been emphasized so many times by different people that if we could learn only this aspect of relationship building we would be miles ahead in no time. The problem is that true communication is not easy. It involves listening attentively when someone is speaking and speaking sensitively when or turn to speak comes. Most people can not allow someone to speak for twenty seconds without interruption. I mean when someone really needs you to be listening.

There are two kinds of conversation. One is when you are enquiring about something or discussing about a topic that needs both parties to say something short and someone else responds. The second is when a friend is in trouble and emotionally he/she is down and wants a shoulder to lean on or cry on. At such times you will realise that the person is not looking for advice per se but a listening ear. No matter how much advice someone gives at this time it will be forgotten because usually someone comes to you knowing exactly what to do. In these times the best you can do for your friend is to close your mouth and open your ears and give your loved one all the attention in the world. He/she will be more grateful for this than for any advice you can give. Only at the end when the emotions are settled can you start to speak and be sure you are heard.

God gave us two ears and one mouth because it is more important to listen than to speak in most cases. Someone may speak to you for the whole day and you can forget him or what he says but it is difficult to forget someone who gives you a listening ear when you really need it. This is the reason why the mouth has a ‘lid’ while the ears remain open all the time. It shows that there are times when you have to shut up. In fact, the Bible in Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says that “there is a time for everything”. One sentence says that “there is a time to be silent and a time to speak,” which to me may mean that it helps to be silent first then speak later. Note that it never says ‘there is a time to listen and a time not to listen.’ The same Bible says that if a fool remains silent he will be considered wise. A fool is recognised as one when his/her mouth gets opened, otherwise there is no different between a fool and a wise man if both are silent. Take it to mean there is more wisdom in being a good listener than being a loud talker.

When you decide to speak, be a sensitive speaker. Someone said that gossip does not have to be false to be harmful; there are a lot of things that just should not be said. As a friend or relative choose what you say wisely. There are a number of things that should not be said. In fact if it is going to cut your loved one to pieces then you better keep it to yourself. Your loved one however does not mind hearing a compliment for a job well done, neither do they mind if you tell them when you are feeling low. They appreciate it just to know that they can comfort you. At the same time realise that your friend can not read your mind therefore it is your responsibility to tell him/her exactly how you feel. If you are happy share it enthusiastically. They do not mind if you tell many people that you really love them. To them it means it is true now that you are sharing it with the others.

 When a friend says that they have a problem, listen attentively and do not downplay the reality of the problem or the pain they are going through. You may feel that it is not warranted to feel the way they feel but to them it is real and significant because it is their experience not yours. For this reason be a compassionate friend all the time who listens without being judgemental about other people’s feelings.

Apart from good communication, relationships are made stronger by forgiveness. All of us make mistakes at one time or the other. This does not mean that we are hopelessly unredeemable. It helps to separate the person from their mistake and realise that a long term loving relationship is possible even though someone made a mistake one time. To refuse to forgive is to kill the relationship and all the pleasure it was capable of bringing to you with time. Learn to forgive when your loved ones make mistakes and watch your relationships grow. It is with compassion that we should view our friends – as vulnerable and imperfect people like ourselves and capable of making mistakes.

One binding force for any relationship is honesty. You can not expect your loved ones to trust you if you are constantly cheating and hiding the truth from them. Once in a while we fall from truth but our aim should always be honesty and trust.

A level of affection is needed in a relationship. If you tell young people that physical affection is going to make your relationships grow, you are most likely going to be misquoted as having said that a friendship will not grow unless you hug every time you meet. This is most likely going to be abused by some who have ulterior motives to the destruction of the relationships they are trying to develop. The fact remains the same, parents do well to hug and kiss their children goodbye or good night and their relationship to these young ones are stronger for it. Every relationship will grow if the parties involved shake hands or show physical affection in a comfortable and agreeable way for all involved. Care must however be taken to avoid heartaches and the pain that may result from abuse of this otherwise useful privilege.